i'm seriously kinda disgusted by you. i mean, i know. you have your insecurities, but do you have to go to such an extent to make sure you're "safe"? i know, maybe you agree with her, but i know deep in my heart, you aren't the kind of person you are being to me right now. somehow, i'm wondering if you're just doing this so that you can have her all to yourself. so that i won't snatch her away from you. i already made myself distant from her, cause i know that you don't like it. but can't you see that?! what's your problem!

using the F word is worse than the word love. you know that? F is such a vulgar, no meaning, and do you even know what it means?! if i'm abusing the power of love, you're abusing the power of that word. or rather, that word shouldn't even be used. i don't see how you can convince yourself that it's okay. i wonder. i tried to work it out nicely, tried to say i'm sorry, and when i did i meant it. but you just are not open anymore. you all have built that wall. it's not that i cannot survive without you. i can. you really meant alot to me. the first best 2 friends i ever had. but now, it seems like you are just people who don't even know me, trying to read me, trying to judge me. is this what i call friends?

crap. i really feel like going to school now adays is a drag. cause i have to face you. sometimes i wish sec 3 would faster come. so then we'd all be split up. and i wouldn't have to face you all. i really am waiting for that day to come. so desperately. i feared you, and now i guess i know how iris felt. but now, i realise there's nothing to fear cause what can you do to me if i don't let you affect me? i'm not gonna cry over this anymore. and i'm not gonna be sad anymore. cause i realised it's not gonna change anymore. no matter how hard i try. or to a matter affect, how hard you try. so well, yah. i give up. i don't care

i wonder how you do this to me. bring my smile when i'm crying. i know it's not funny, but i still laugh, cause you make me happy. i really love you, and no, i'm not abusing this word, or this thing. cause i know it's all different from the rest. it's not about fun anymore. or about those honey-ed words. it's how open we both are with each other and how we trust each other with our deepest secrets. it's not just about holding hands and going out, but it's about seeing what each other feel without having the other to say it. i know what love is now. it's not some fantasy that we create. it's about you and me. when i'm gone for those 7 days, i guess it'll be tough, but we can have telepathy! (: hoho. and yes, i promise i'll miss you everyday. EVERYDAY. i wanna tell you that you mean alot to me and i'm afraid you'll go but yet i also wanna show you that i trust you. so i'm not gonna say anything and trust you. i trust you. you understand me best now. and i know that you are special to me. i know it.

i wonder how many people in the world really know what the word care means. haha. some people just ABUSE that word don't they? oh well. there's nothing i can do about it anyway.