Tuesday, June 20, 2006 @7:25 PM

i appreciate your efforts dear (: i know it aine't easy to give it up like that, and i'm not asking for perfection all the time, cause dear, like you said, no one's perfect anyway. i just want you to try your best to keep your word (: thank you dear, for giving up so much for me, for changing so much for me. but dear, don't change too much, for when i gave you my heart, it was the person i knew right from the start. although it may not be a perfect guy, but that's the guy i loved (:

i miss you joan ((:

never knew you changed so much for me, never knew you stoped being a playboy, never even knew you were one to start with. never knew your temper went down cause of me, never knew that you stopped using valgarities because of me, never knew you stopped fighting cause of me, never knew you stopped smoking cause of me, never knew that you stopped acting gangster cause of me. and well, i am gald you have changed for the better. but i just want you to know, be who you are, cause i love you, just the way you are.

if you're trying to read what's written below, don't bother (:

it's hard to trust you already. you said you stop fighting, i mean i was glad, i really was. but yet, i didn't know if one day you'd just say again, eh darling don't be angry ah, but i still fight. i don't wanna get my hopes up too high. i love you, and when you said you smoke, my heart ached, cause of the harm you did to yourself. i don't understand dear, why did you go into it. and now i worry everyday, what if one day you go back to it? what if one day you take drugs. and all i can do is say that silent prayer, to hope that you won't, to pray that no one will tempt you, and you won't be pressured by the people in your school. every morning, i'd get up and say that silent prayer for you. i've been having nightmares since that day i knew, that one day you'd die leaving me alone. and it's really scary, i wake up and i cry. i know you've stopped, and i'm supposed to trust that you'd never go back to it again, but it's really scary to me. and i just have this real fear, that one day you'd go back to it. and it makes me think over and over again, what if one day you were to go back to smoking, what would happen? could i still make myself hug you and kiss you? i don't know, it's hard, and i'm feeling very tired. i can't sleep, cause of all the nightmares, and with this hectic week. darling, i really hope you keep your promise, cause it really matters alot to me. i love you and i don't want to lose you, not to anything, especially to drugs. baby, just look at me in the eye, and i can say you're beautiful, without having to be cool, without having to smoke, you're a beautiful kid to me and it's never gonna change. so pls darling, don't go into it again, cause i love you.

alot's been going on in my mind lately, and i sometimes also just wish i could stop thinking altogether.

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CHARIS;

life ain't always about receiving, it's more about giving.

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