i was talking to my tuition teacher about you today, and i guess i sort of told her everything.

she didn't advice me much, cause she has been with me since i was P1, and she knows me inside out, cause i tell her almost everything. all she said was, if you feel you really love him, then anything will be worth it. and i guess it's true. and she said, somethings you can control, somethings you will never be able to control, and those things you can't control, you just have to let it go the way it wants to, the way that it naturally flows, even if it's not the way you want it to flow to. i guess what she said is right. i guess so. (: i'm not in the mood for caring now a days. i guess i'm becoming lazy =/ oh well.

i didn't wish for this friendship to turn out this way. i didn't mean to make it to this state. and i'm trying real hard, but will you all let me say what i wanna? i really treasure this friendship of ours, but i just don't know how to bring it back again. i wanna try, i am trying, but i just feel tired. i, want back our friendship, i really want it back. but no matter what i do, i feel so stupid. cause i don't know if it'll displease you anot. and i don't know just what to do. i want to be myself, yet, sometimes myself, you hate her. i don't know what to do anymore. just give me a chance won't you?

this is my cry, my one desire. just to be where you are lord, now and forever. it's more than a song. it's my desire. it's to be with you, it's to be with you. lord, won't you see it lord? i'm trying so hard. i've prayed, prayed every night, begging you to come fill me again, that i can go in your name again. lord, i'm trying so hard, i feel so utterly helpless lord. i believe you will and lord, pls come quick, cause i'm drying up. i just feel all so tired all over again. it really is my one desire to be with you, now and forever lord, NOW, and forever. let me be with you won't you? i need you more than ever now. i don't know why i need you, there's no reason, i guess cause there's no reason, that i need a reason lord, which is you. come lord, pls. i'm begging you. i'll get down on my knees to pray tonight. i will. no matter how long it's gonna take, i'm gonna wait lord. cause lord, i need you. won't you pls, pls come and help me. reading your word helps me, it does but lord i need to see you in person, feel your heartbeat lord. it may be too much to ask for lord, knowing that i sin, but pls lord, i come before you with a humble heart, and plea that you come and touch me once again. i need you, i need you lord. i'm desperate. i really am deserpate now. pls lord. i beleive in you, you can't let me down. you just can't. cause you said you'll never let me down. lord, i love you, i love you, i love you. oh so much. thank you lord for dying for me. thank you for everything. thank you for giving me all that i have, even the breath i'm breathing now. thank you lord for not giving up on me when i gave up on you. thank you lord for seeing my through all of it. thank you. lord, just touch me once again. i'm dying spiritually. and i.. i just need you lord. you said you'll never let me go through it all, through the season you'll be there with me. not only in summer, but in winter as well. and lord, i claim upon that promise. i claim upon it! lord, be here for me. pls. i just need the strength you gave me when i was down in the past, i just need the love i had for others in the past, i just need the understanding i never had, i just need the wisdom that i never once had, i just need your love lord. and to sum all those up, i need you. i need you back in my life. i need the childlike faith i once had. to believe that once i pray lord, you'll do it. i remember, i used to pray that you'd stop the rain, and i really believe you would. and even when it still rained, i'd say you heard me but others were just praying that it would rain. that's why it rained. and so lord, give me back that childlike faith. cause i need it. i'm in need lord. cause i'm so imperfect. so incomplete. lord i love you, really lord, i do. and i just want you to know that. joan told me to read those verses, and i did. don't doubt me, cause i'll hurt like how peter did. i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you. i'll say it more than the number of times you ask me if i love you. cause i know lord, i love you, more than anything else. lord, hear my cry. amen