and do you know why i'm behaving this way. its cause i feel so cheated by you. over times and times again, i believe you, and it doesnt turn out the way you promise. its always like that, and always has been. but i feel so stupid now, for why did i trust you. why did i believe you. im sorry if im being bitchy now, for i just cant take it anymore. its too tiring, and im too tried. yes tried, not tired. and you wont know how it feels. for im the one feeling cheated, feeling stupid.

and yes dad, when you said i got my piorities all wrong, i know you mean well. i know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings. but you still did. ask yourself dad, why are you always saying that you don't have much friends? why do we live on this earth for? isn't it to love others? we live to love like how christ loved us isn't it? so then, studies shouldn't be more important than caring for others.

but you know, that's what i used to think. and now to think about it, it's not worth it. caring for others, you don't get back much in return anyway. i asked how someone was, and he just said "fuck..." and is that what's called worth it? i guess not. and if so, if caring causes me to be so hurt, to feel so miserable, i shall just back off. back off from everything. for you know, i really don't fucking care anymore. i've had enough. enough of everything. i don't care what you will feel when i'm so mean to you, i don't care what you think when i behave like this. i don't care! cause truth is, you never cared about my feelings. that's the truth.

and i'm feeling stressed with all the exams coming. i mean, the stress is building up. it's too much okay. i'm tired okay. very. it's just all piling up, and i feel like i can explode any minute. it's so much, too much for me to take.

i want back the closeness, or was there even a closeness to start with? the time we spend together are so superficial. when do we really talk about our problems? when do we really care for each other? sometimes, i begin to doubt this friendship we all share. and it makes me so upset, that the time we spent on this friendship, all comes down to nothing much to remember of. what is this.

i feel so torn and broken. nothing's really much the same. been talking about all these stuff these few days, and it's made me realise how much is different. and things will never be the same. oh well, like what cheryl and i say, if you say so, then so be it. SO BE IT. i don't care anymore. fucking world, change for all you want, cause i don't wish to care, and i'm not intending to.

when you're tired cheryl, and you feel so broken up inside, i'm here for you. to claw and pinch. to draw on. for i know how hard you try. i feel so sad when i see you like that. i feel so broken too. i'm sorry for lacking so much as a friend. and i've realised how much you need someone today, i'm here to always talk to you. always. i know you're scared of the word love, but i love you cheryl. i love you so much. (: i'm here for you. to claw to nail to scratch to draw on (: