should i be giving you another chance? should i just leave it as what it is now? or should i be firm about my decision, that we break?

i want to end it, that's my decision. but when i hear you over the phone, when you said sorry, i don't know how to not forgive you. i don't know how to stay so unmoved. i seriously hate this, cause after i took so much courage to ask for the break, you always find some way to make me not to. and it's not only you, it's been with all the others too. i hate myself for being so soft hearted. i forgive you, but does that mean that we have to be more than friends? truthfully speaking, even if we get back together, it's not be because i still love you like before, but because i don't want to see you upset. i know it's stupid, but i hate you see you so upset. i hate it. and well, i believe with time, i can find back the feelings. but is it worth it? i'm just caught in between. with what my heart feels and what i don't want to see. my heart wants to break, but i don't wanna see you sad. when you said, i changed you, that's what i did for you, i wanted to cry. cause was there really nothing more? for to me, changing, is what you did for yourself, no one could have done it if you hadn't want to. was there really nothing more i brought to you? i guess that's also another thing that's holding me back. cause i know, i can't make you smile i can't make you laugh. i can't make you feel like as if you're so special. i want you to be all those, to laugh smile and to feel special. but i can't do that for you. and i'm too guai, i'm not someone whom is perfect for you. that's at least what you said. and that's why oswald. that's all why. things are holding me back, so many, but the one very fact that you are gonna be sad, is making my mind go in one big twirl, one big mess. i don't know what to do ):

CHERYL (: i don't know how to show my gratitude. for not saying: i-told-you-so. for still after so much, wanting to help me through this. my dear friend, there's nothing i appreciate more than someone who wants to know how i feel. i don't need advice, cause i somehow or another know what to do, i don't need verses from the bible, for i know how to read too. i need someone to listen to me, to ask me what i feel, and that's what you did. cheryl, i know many thing's happening lately have not proved to you that caring is something worth while to do, but now i would like to say that you are very much appreciated by me. sometimes people don't seem to appreciate it, but i do. i appreciate you, i appreciate you being here for me cheryl (: you're such a blessing, and i thank god for you. through the good times and the bad, i'll be here for you, just come to me (:

joan darling, i'm so sorry you have to be stuck in between me and him. i'm so sorry. but i don't even know what to say to him anymore, and i'm just so, lost. i don't know what i'm feeling, i don't know what to do.