To me, at this very moment, I don’t want to give you another chance. Cause I doubt you even know why I’m angry with you. it’s not cause you changed your status to single or whatever. Maybe you’ll never know. I didn’t know how to ask you over the phone, that I wanted to break. But now I guess I want to tell you right here and right now, let’s break. I have no right to be angry, that’s the conclusion I came up with after much thinking today.

I may think it’s wrong, what you did. But if you didn’t think that it was wrong, then to you, you have done no wrong. If to you, you have done no wrong then I have no right to expect you to think or feel that you’re wrong. I guess now, it’s just all about point of view, my perception and yours. I can’t expect us to have the same perception in everything, cause that’ll be too absurd. But this is not some small thing, where if we don’t see it the same way it doesn’t matter, cause this is a important thing, that we should have a same perception on. But we don’t. after thinking much today, I’ve cooled down. And all I can say is that it’s not your fault. I should have made my stand clear right from the start, but I didn’t. it’s not your fault that you thought it was okay. I was wrong in not telling you how uncomfortable I felt. I should have voiced it out instead of expecting you to see the signs. I should have not been so quiet with all that I felt, I should have said them out. And it’s my fault that things have come to this stage, and I’m sorry. I should have made it all clear right from the beginning, where the line stopped and not to cross that line. I should have made it clear. It was wrong of me to blame it all on you, like I had no share in it at all. But now I don’t want to carry on. Cause even if it’s my fault, I still am hurt. you don’t have to know why, you don’t need to know what you can do to make it up, but just listen, let’s end it. I took 3 hours in my room today, to think about you and me. I needed to sort out my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions. I couldn’t just let my emotions rule over my head, I’ve learnt not to allow them to. I sat there and I thought, from one thing, it led to another. And to be truthful, I know deep in my heart, I do love you. but I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to love you anymore. I’m not fit to love you, or anyone. I’m not fit to. You deserve better. I don’t want to make myself sound noble, like as if I’m doing it all for you. to make it clear, I’m doing this for myself. I don’t want to end up hurt cause we all know you deserve better. I don’t want to cling onto you, and see you leave for someone better in the end. I don’t want to become the victim of all of this. I just don’t want to feel the way I’m feeling ever again. I’m selfish, yes I know. Move on, you can, I know you can. Like how you moved on from Celestine or Cheryl or whatever. You can move on, so pls, move on. And let me move on too. It’s not been easy on you and me. but let it be you and me from now on, and not us anymore. I’ll always be here to listen to you if you need me, to cheer you on if you feel down. just let me know. though we're not together anymore, i can always still be your friend. you can hate me, i understand, but if you ever need someone to believe in you, i will. i'm sorry. it's over. i can't carry on anymore.

i've come to learn alot about myself. i'm not that great in my mind as i used to think i was anymore. i used to think i was special, that there was something about me that was worth to be proud off. but now, all i feel is insecurties. i'm not even sure of who i am anymore. and now, i don't feel i'm worth a thing. i'm sorry, i'm not supposed to feel this way, but it's just how i feel. those who know of this blog, i consider close friends, and i guess, i'm sorry to have let you guys down.

joan, you are a strong girl (: being with you, being your friend for the past year or so has made me see what a strong person you are. yes you are strong my dear. but joan, strong people have the right to be down too, like how heroes have the right to bleed. it's normal my dear. i know, you feel like you don't want to be sad when everyone's already so down, you don't wanna make it worse. joan, i see the efforts, i appreciate it. but it hurts me to see you like that. i don't want to see you in pretence. i'd rather cry with you then laugh with you when you don't mean your laughter. i'd rather lend you my shoulder then to be drunk with you when i know that you aren't really hyper. joan, i would rather have a truthful friend with me, than someone who's happy all the time. joan, when you're happy or sad or hurt or hyper or anything at all, to me, all the time, you are a beautiful person. it's just feelings joan, nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. nothing wrong at all. everyone is entitiled to feel the way they do. no one's wrong in the way they feel, cause feeling, they can't be controlled. you know what makes me happy joan? it's when you just be truthful with me (: to know that through the good times and the bad, i'm going through it with someone, which is you. joan, i doubt love, you know why? cause i don't know what it exactly means. but i shall tell you this, i don't know if i love you, but i do know this. you mean somethng to me, and you're unique, one of a kind. no one else will replace you in my life. someone who went up on stage with me and laughed like shit. someone who put her arm around me when i cried. someone who wrote me a letter and made me go nuts cause it was such a nice letter. someone who when i was crying so bad that i couldn't even stand up, held my hand, and told me everything was going to be alright. someone who understands me so well, who know what to say to me when i'm sad or down. someone who has always been there for me, someone i share a very special pledge with. joan, love is nothing but a word. but what i feel is that i will go through it all with you, let me be there for you. i'll walk down the beach with you, cause joan you're special. no one's like you, NO ONE. be yourself with me joan, cause that's all i want you to be. not someone special, cause i know in my heart, you are already someone special. joan, all i want is a joan that can be truthful with me (: that's all i need, all i need from a friend as close to my heart as you.

eugene, all i have to say is i'm sorry. sorry for acting the way i am now. what do you feel, that's all i want to know now. just what do you feel.