Disappointments;

I think disappointments are part of everyone’s lives, including mine. And I should learn how to cope with it. just like faith hope and love, disappointments are part and parcel of life, and I have to learn why I feel this way, and what leads to it, so as therefore, not to let myself fall into too many holes of disappointments.

I think, as for me, I do not feel disappointed when people don’t score grades, when people don’t know how to this question or that, not these things that adults feel disappointed in, but rather, I feel disappointed when I thought someone would understand but she doesn’t. I feel disappointed when people tend to judge. I feel disappointed when someone feels left out. I feel disappointed when I can’t reach up to others expectations. But most of all, I feel disappointed with myself when I let myself feel disappointed.

Does it all make sense? I don’t know. But that’s what I figured.

I feel disappointed when she doesn’t understand me. cause when I feel that someone would understand, I somehow, put my complete faith in her. And I place my entire hope in her. When I think that she would understand, I think that she would be able to relate to my problem, be able to understand why I did this or that, or why I’m feeling this way or the other. But yet, it’s impossible for someone to completely understand another. Though I know this fact, I just seem to keep placing my complete faith in her. And letting myself get disappointed.

I feel disappointed when people judge others, or me. because I start to wonder, what made them feel that way. what made them think this way or me or another. What did I do or say that gave them this impression? And then that’s when the hard facts or life start to set in, how bitchy I may be, maybe. How selfish, how slutty, maybe. But you see, there is a reason why certain people think this certain way of you. they can’t just pluck it out of the sky this thinking they have. there has to be some basis, some evidence that made them feel this way. and it’s for us to find out, for us to improve. And sometimes when you see why they feel that way about you, you feel disappointed cause you know that that’s not the way you meant it in, the intention you had in mind, is not the same as what they think your intention is. And that’s when I feel disappointed. When I do things, and I do not make my intentions clear enough, and letting myself get disappointed.

I feel disappointed when someone gets left out. Cause I know how it feels, how terrible it feels. But yet, sometimes when I reflect upon myself, I begin to realize, sometimes I am the one who starts to leave people out. People can preach, but sometimes they can never seem to do what they preach. They can say that they don’t want to see this happening, but sometimes, they are the cause of it. and I confess, I’m sometimes the start of leaving people out. And I am guilty. I feel disappointed with those, like myself, who fail to bring those left out ones back into the circle. I feel disappointed with myself, that I chose to let them to continue being left out. I feel disappointed that I haven’t did anything to try to pull them back in. for I am more guilty then anyone else, cause I have been there before, I know how it feels, and yet I do nothing about it. that makes me feel disappointed with myself, more than anyone else.

I feel disappointed with I can’t reach up to others expectations cause I know how it feels to be let down. The disappointment is not something that is easy to cope with, and it is not a nice feeling. I know. And that is why I feel guilty, when I can’t meet up to other’s expectations. Knowing how it feels to be disappointed by others letting me down, I’m disappointed with myself, for disappointing others.

And when I feel disappointed, it’s cause of all of the above mentioned, that makes me feel disappointed with myself, and that makes me feel, all the more disappointed with myself.

So should we be negligent to all that’s happening? And maybe if we’re negligent, we wouldn’t know or look into things too much. And then maybe all again, we wouldn’t feel disappointed, cause all in all, well, we don’t see things in such a manner.

I would like to say, sorry. I think that sometimes, I do things without thinking. I do things and think things without giving a thought about others feelings. And sometimes I get caught up in my own emotions too much that I forget about my basic principles in life, and the promises I made to others. I’m sorry for losing my head sometimes, and I’m sorry, to everyone I’ve let down. I’ll try to do what I preach, I’ll try to do what I say. I’ll try my very best, my utmost.

Ps, she is just a verb. Not in particular to anyone.