On the topic of friendship

What is friendship? I’m not really sure. Through all the years of our lives, we are said to have friends. But truly, who are our friends and who are not? Who are those who are true and who are those who lie their way through? How will know who to trust and who to shun? Who will know all this? Cause we know not other’s hearts, we know not what they think. How then do we know how and who and why.

Oh come one, tell me now. How can this be that through our lives, after making so many so called friends, we know not what true friendship is. How can we now know, when we all claim that we have the best of friends. How can we now know, when we practically share our whole entire lives with those whom we call friends. How can we now know, how ironic can this get. Tell me, how do we define a friend, how do we know who are our true friends?

Does friendship last for as long as the two friends are together? Or does it last for eternity? Many say they last for eternity, but how true is that? I don’t know. But it seems that once circumstances change, once the surrounding is different, once one of the two change, the friendship fades, it gets less and less close. Is this called eternity? Maybe it is, but the standard of friendship is never the same again, don’t you think?

Some people say they are our friends. How do we know that? How do we see through them, how do we know if they are true? Test them? But by testing them, most of the time, you end up hurting yourself. Isn’t that correct? To find a true friend, it’s really hard. one who will stick by you, one who will not let you down. And if this is going to hurt you, wouldn’t you rather stay in the dark? Not knowing whether they’re true or not. That’d be less hurtful, but all at the same time, wouldn’t you be living a lie?

But then it comes down to the point, what is a friend? how does someone qualify to be your friend? How does someone, from a complete stranger, become a friend? what are those qualities you look for? What are those expectations? What makes you want to be her friend? what makes you want to share your life with her and not someone else? Why her? What makes her so special that you want to make friends with her?

As for me, just as for me, to make a friend, there’s no need for special qualities. Be it a liar, a cheater, a pros, a nice person, a kind person, a smoker, anyone. What right do I have to chose a friend. what right do I have to push someone who wants or needs a friend. what right do I have to push a person away. I have no right to hurt anyone in any way. cause if one day I were to be like that, a liar, a cheater, someone everybody hates, I’d need that someone who’d take me, for who I am. To help me, to guide me. I have no right to chose the friends I want to make, those friends chose me. and I’m glad, for whoever may chose me. no matter how terrible the situation the person is in. cause I’m chosen by him/her. What right do I have to list my criteria, what right do I have to list what I want from a friend? cause we are created equal, all loved, all special, all unique, and all nice. What right do I have to judge, to chose. For I do not want to be judged, I do not want to be striked out of a list.

But when I chose my close, best friends, that’s when it’s different. I have the right to chose. Because it’s the close friends who will bring me through, it’s the close friends who will encourage me, it’s the close friends who will help me, it’s the close friends whom will love me and I will love. I will chose my close friends wisely, cause I am giving them the entitlement to hurt me, I am giving them the entitlement to every key to my heart’s door. I will chose, those whom I trust and those whom I know won’t betray the trust I place in them.

And what makes a close or best friend? if I were to list it all, wouldn’t it take eternity? But if I don’t know what makes me want this close friend, what makes me able to trust her, why would I let her in? I have to know what’s my criteria, I have to know my conditions, so as not to hurt myself.

Someone, who wouldn’t scold me, cause does she have the right to? If someone were to really understand me, would she scold me? no, cause if she understood me, she would understand why I did it, she would understand why I chose to do that instead of this. Why I did it, there would be a reason, and so if she knew me well enough, she wouldn’t scold me. someone who wouldn’t judge me. who has the right to judge anyone. No one does truthfully. If you loved the person, you wouldn’t judge. Cause you’d be able to accept the person wholly, no matter what she did, in the past, in the future or even now. It wouldn’t matter, would it? someone who wouldn’t give up on me. cause I know I’m not a perfect person, I know I make mistakes. And I know sometimes my mistakes seen so unforgivable. That’s why I think for myself, I need someone who wouldn’t give up on me. would you understand if I said that I treasured friend’s support and understanding a lot? Would you guys understand? I need someone who would try to understand before giving up on me. and the feeling of being given up on is not nice, I’m sad to say. Someone who would take me as someone they can trust. Cause if not, what’s the point. It’d be a one way thing wouldn’t it? imagine telling someone everything, the person’s a part of your life, but you’re not a part of the person’s life at all. Would that be something very clever? No, I don’t think so.

There’s so much more. But words can’t express, can it. some things the heart feels can never be written in words but can only be shown in actions. I guess that’s what I think. And again, this is all what I think, not really what I’m feeling now.

I’m learning to be truthful with myself, bear with me.