love me for a reason,
&let the reason be love.

okay, i'm getting annoyed. i typed this post, three times, and i keep pressing the close botton. and tada, everything's gone. -.- okay, one last time!

i'm so glad it's solved. i'm so glad we're fine now. cause i can't stand it when there's that cold war. when i have so much to say, and i can't share it with you. i hate it, when i want to tell you something, and yet i can't. cause you're the person i share the most with. cause you're the person i trust the most. and although we only had that cold war for a day, i think it's enough to kill me. i never want to have anything like that with you ever again. it's such a sigh of relief, to hear you call me what you always call me, and it's such a relief, to be able to talk to you again. i've learnt, you mean a lot to me. never shall we quarrel again.

i went to church ytd (: in like a thousand and one years (:
i was a little scared when i got off the car, a little scared of everything. you, how others would see me, and well, i was kinda afraid of facing God too. i felt like i was missing in action, for too long, that everyone was gna judge, and everyone was going to look at me, like how i betrayed my faith. i was afraid. to be truthful. but when i saw joan, there ushering, and she smiled at me, and i felt all so much better. i guess, i should never underestimate the power of a smile. cause joan, you made me feel a whole lot better, a whole lot more accepted (:
and oh wow, i think i was damn "lucky", the first thing i stepped in, i saw you. but i think i am proud of myself :D i didn't look at you, i didn't acknowledge you. i didn't do anything. i just smiled at your friend, and i walked on. i think it's better this way. i don't get affected and you don't think i care. that's the best (: i think it shall be like that from now on :D
i learnt alot, from sermon, from worship ytd. in short (after typing this three times, i'm kinda sick of typing it), i have to surrender it all to Him, i have to Love, everyone. yeps (:

shawn, thanks for the chocs (: they really made me happy (:
shawn, i know the Os are coming, and i know the stress' building. and although i know you're a strong girl, but i know it must be hard. but i'm here to say, i know you can do it (: you're smart man, i have seen how you grasps onto concepts so fast. i have seen how smart and fast you are. so don't worry alright dear (: you can do it. and although i know you don't like calling you "dear", i still shall. cause you've been such a dear friend to me. i know it's hard, and sometimes it feels hopeless when nothing goes in, but you know what joan told me? lols, drink water (: and it helps. it really does. so try it (: and you know something? He's right there, beside you, sitting right there next to you while you study. you may not see him, but he's there. just do your best shawn, and god will do the rest (: i'll take this chance to say, you've been a real great friend. thank you for everything (:
joan, thank you holding my hand yesterday when i cried (: i needed that. someone to reassure me. and i thank you. i know no one's always strong, and i promise I’ll always be here, when you’re weak, or even when you’re strong, to be here for you, like how you were there for me yesterday. Always (: thank you for all your cold jokes, lol, but they still make me smile (: and well, I think you’re a great friend. thank you loads <3

eh laulau; there’s this parachute band thingy, do you wna come? On Saturday, 4th November, 10am-10pm (: some courses thing and then the worship (: wna come? Or anyone :D wna come?

I don’t know, but should I go for camp? But I think we’re going overseas. Sigh, I don’t know.

Today, aunty lisa was talking to us about kindy. And I feel something is missing from the services, or can it even be called a service at kindy? Most of the time, half of the kids are running around like wild monkeys, leaving the other half listening. But is this what it’s supposed to be? And what she said hit me, real hard. am I going there, just to entertain them and myself, or am I going there to expect something? Am I going there to expect to see something happening in all the kids lives or am I going there to just help them pass that two hours?
I feel kind of guilty, cause sometimes, I fail to have patience. I fail to tell them why this is happening. I fail to tell them, that jesus loves them. I fail to take the time to tell them about him, about his love. I fail to show, a living example. And I’m ashamed. I’m gna try harder, I have to. I want them to grow in the lord. Sometimes I look at them, during worship, and I can’t help but feel ashamed. Their child-like faith. How they just trust, and love, and worship him. With no doubt, really no doubt at all. They just stand there, and worship. And I wonder, why, if they know so little, they can trust him. Why can’t I, one who knows so much more, trust him even more? And I’m guilty. But I’m gna change.

Well, I’m overall happy today, cause of yesterday (:

And there’s some things I need to clarify with you.