Out of reach

Knew the signs, wasn't right,
I was stupid for a while.
Swept away by you,
And now I feel like a fool.

So confused,
My heart's bruised.
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far, I never had your heart.
Out of reach, couldn't see.
We were never meant to be.

Catch myself from despair.
I'd drown if I stay here.
Keeping busy everyday,
I know I will be okay.

But now I'm,

So confused,
My hearts bruised.
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far, I never had your heart.
Out of reach, couldn't see.
We were never meant to be.

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain, what is lost inside.
And I hope that in time, you’ll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you.

But now I'm so confused,
My heart's bruised,
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far, I never had your heart.
Out of reach, couldn't see.
We were never meant to be.

Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart.
In my reach, I can see,
There's a life out there for me.

Really says how I feel, at this moment. The confusion.
You know, the scary thing, is not to realize that what you thought was real isn't truly accurate, or to realize that it was wrong. But the scary thing is, to realize what you thought was real, never even existed, was never even real. That's the scary thing. was it ever there in the first place? Or was it something I imagined? Something I just lied to myself along the way.

Reality is starting to sink in. I mean, the reality that we're all different. That the things we go through, will never be exactly the same as another person. Never. so maybe people may understand how you're feeling, but never the whole thing. you can't possibly explain the whole thing, cause the whole thing, starts from when you're born. Maybe it accumulates, maybe it's the way you were brought up. Maybe, you know what I'm trying to say. Nothing can be explained from the point you remember something, till the current date.

It's all just confusing, and scary in a way. cause I'm not really sure of everything, I'm not really sure of anything at all. It's a rather scary feeling to now know anything, and not be sure of the things you once knew so well. To not be able to find comfort, in the one you believe in, to not be able to find love and security in Him. It's all like an overwhelming feeling. you know, the thing you once believed in with all your heart, soul and mind. and if suddenly you start to doubt it, the amount of disappointment. maybe that's why i just have to go to church sometime soon, i guess i just need it. and i won't be surprised, if it either goes that i can't even bring myself to worship, or i just worship till i break. i won't be surprised, if it goes either way. oh well.

and you, can you stop making a joke out of everything i say. when you used to be the person i could rant to, the person whom i'd call to make me laugh till i couldn't take it anymore. the person whom i once trusted so much, that i was willing to say sorry, for who knows what the hell i did wrong, just so that you would talk to me again. you know, how much it hurts to want to try to tell you something, and you laugh at it? and you just make a whole joke out of it? you want to post everything i say to the forum, go ahead. make a joke out of everything i feel, it just sucks alright. and even when i tell you to stop, do you? no, you just make another joke out of it. maybe it's cause of some way i've hurt you that i'm not even aware of, that you're doing this now, but come on, at least tell me what i did wrong. stop making me feel like an idiot for trusting you so much, for always thinking you were so nice, for always thinking that well, it's just for now you're treating me like that, after a while it'll pass. and i'll get back the tweety bird i once knew. at least give me some hope in you, cause it's really vanishing. i really treasure every friendship i have, even one as small as ours. how long have we known each other? less than a year. how deep is our friendship? not very deep. but you were really nice, and i remember that. no matter what horrible things you said after a while, no matter what words you use to put me down. where are you? cause i really miss the old you. and no, i'm not using sweet honey-ed words, like how you say i always do to gain sympathy. i mean every word i say, it's the way i express myself. that's all. i wish for you back, the old simple you.

i know my mistake now, i never treasured what i had before me, till they're gone.

can i have another chance? God, can i just have one more chance? that's if, you're even listening to me.